Silver Linings

I was texting a friend the other day and i was sharing with her everything that was going on, the whole cancer thing, getting sick, side effects, etc etc. My friend  reminded me of a time where we said "we wanted something to be wrong with us" as if it were easier to be clinically sick instead of heartbroken .

I remember one day having an internal conversation with God saying that if anyone is going to get crazy sick or cancer, that it had to be. I never want to see my loved ones hurt or sick, I want the absolute best for them! But why me? Because I KNOW im STRONG, I know I can OVERCOME

They says things are going to get bad with chemo, im going to get sick. im going to lose my hair. im going to get skinny. im going to lose my muscle . In the midst of all this craziness and talking to peers and relatives, i saw the silver linings, a few answered prayers.

My mom used to say "be careful what you wish for." Growing up I had this thick wavy hair ( to never be tamed, i tell ya!) and i would get so frustrated that i always wished to chop it off, just be bald. BAH, looks like that'll come true. And when it does, ill look like the boy i always wanted to be. ha. I also get to try Short hairstyles with no regrets (i have the top two hairstylists as relatives ;) , boo yah! Lastly, wigs? Um, hello if you know me, my personality screams fun wigs!

So im gunna get sick and im gunna get skinny. there's another answered prayer, unfortunately that's not the way I planned to go about  getting skinny. With my roots and morals being imbedded in health and fitness, go everything the "healthy way" . My idea of skinny has changed tremendously, fit and healthy. Ive gone from fat to fit. now try the other end of the spectrum skinny to fit.. Im going to see if this whole "gaining weight" will be difficult ha.

The muscle loss im experiencing though 20-30% just gone. im having a little heartache, all the hardwork!

A little Afternoon Update

3:46pm

Everything is happening really fast, I mean three weeks ago it was Christmas and two weeks new year’s, I mean on NYE I went out dancing! Things change in split seconds sometimes and you never anticipate them. 

Here’s the shocking thing, you never expect the one who gets sick- to get sick.

Aren’t I the healthiest person you know? I eat right, I'm physically active, and drink plenty of water. This just kind of proves Cancer can affect anyone at any time! I'm 22 years old. Some say it’s not fair, that I did nothing to deserve this and hey maybe I don’t, But better me than you, that’s for damn sure!

Yesterday I started Rituximab (some drug) and Today I Started Chemo. Chemo is a frightening word to many and some to my surprise don’t even know exactly what it is. Chemo is chemicals, basically chemical medication injected in my system, usually used for treatment in cancer patients. I haven’t felt any side effects; no nausea, no pain, no allergic reaction. Nothing negative . yay!

DR Greenwald (my oncologist) says my tumor/growth should decrease within the next few days by 90%, that’s huge! (Right now it’s about 10cm in diameter) 

Should I post a picture?